Thayer Christmas 2014
2014 marked the first full year of small town Down Under
living for the Thayers. If you are
reading this letter, then you’re probably looking for some type of update as to
my family’s wellbeing, accomplishments and the like. Given my penchant for yuletide missives, I
have chosen to oblige.
Sienna:
Hurricane Sienna has continued to ravage the countryside,
desolating and laying waste to all and everything that stand in her path. 2014 was the year of the terrible twos. In short, Sienna is a force of nature. A force of rambunctiousness, indomitability and
cuteness. She feels no pain. She has no fear and even less hazard
recognition and awareness (her favorite stuffed animal is a realistic Tasmanian
devil, if that tells you anything), all of which makes for a fun characteristic
cocktail for a toddler in rural Australia.
If there’s a dog, she must pet
it. If there’s a huntsman spider the
size of her face, she must poke it. If
there is a snake she must yank it from her uncle’s grasp and run away laughing,
serpent hostage flailing haplessly in her grip. Sienna loves horsies and doggies. Like REALLY loves horsies and doggies. The highlight of Sienna’s year was when she
got to ride a horse at a local church fundraiser event. The lowlight of Sienna’s year was when she
had to get off a horse at a local church fundraiser event.
Sienna will be three in January, and although she’s a bit
behind the curve in her ability to vocalize cogent sentences, I’m pretty sure
she has a rare sixth sense of some sort for plush animals. I will explain. For months Sienna slept with the same four
stuffed animals: a kookaburra, Winnie the Pooh, and two doggies. These were her “night animals”. They were not to be removed from the bed when
she woke and no other stuffed animals were to be added when she returned to
sleep. The self-imposed regimen was
strict and was to be adhered to religiously.
She had a separate set of “day animals”, lead by the aforementioned
Tasmanian devil. One day, for reasons
unbeknownst, everything changed and she now tolerates a variety of plush
wildlife at bedtime. Her nightly stash
has grown considerably as she has recruited (stolen) the best from her older sister’s
stuffed animal collection. The number has
swelled to almost twenty. These are her
sheep, and she knows them by name. She
knows when one is out of place or absent, in light or absolute darkness. How joyous is the reunion when the occasional
prodigal animal is found and returned to the fold. Joyous, indeed.
Owen:
This was a big year for Owen, starting and finishing his
first year of school. It was a smashing
success, having made new friends and having learned to read a book that says
“See the dog run” on eleven consecutive pages.
Good to see the fruits of a first rate education. Aside from getting a daily report of his
scholastic goings-on, Owen makes sure to provide his daily Mario progress. At dinner time, he presents detailed
descriptions of the worlds and obstacles he encounters earlier in the morning,
as his first priority of the day is typically to squeeze in a level or two (or
four) before going to school. With
consistent dedicated practice he has managed to go from not being able to play
Mario at all to demonstrating gaming skills at an 9th grade
proficiency. Some parents might be
worried, others would be proud. We are
the latter because we aren’t lame parents.
Owen is still very large for his age, but has finally
started to thin out, which is most evident during his school’s weekly swim
class. His thinning out isn’t noticeable
because of any lost buoyancy or anything, but because his swim uniform is a
speedo. Australians love their short
shorts. Whether it’s some bloke in a
fabrication yard with an angle grinder or a five-year-old boy at the swimming
pool, the Aussie way is the way of male Daisy Dukes and speedos. While Owen doesn’t seem to mind swimming
around in what amounts to black, polyester briefs, his father is glad that they
will be returning to the States before too long and the habit becomes too
engrained.
Saying Owen is excited for Christmas is a bit like saying
that Sienna is mildly appreciative of horses.
On the eve of Dec 22nd as he was going down for bed, Owen started
to sob. When asked why, he said it was
hard to explain. When pressed, he
admitted it was because he wished it was Christmas.
Abby:
Abby in a nutshell is her father’s daughter. At the dinner table she informed the family
that she is “the funniest person in her class”, of which we have little
doubt. In 2014, she also blossomed into
a sweet, kind, and wonderful gamer, legitimately beating her father numerous
times in Mario Kart. “Oh my kid is good
at Mario Kart too,” you say. I don’t
think you understand. Suffice it to say
that there is an open invitation and a hefty wager waiting for anyone who wants
to challenge Abby on 150cc Rainbow Road, child or adult. Abby also prides herself in her thrill
seeking nature, conquering Wicked, the Rocket and the Fire Dragon at Lagoon all
at the tender age of 7. Despite her
predilection for adrenaline, she has a crippling fear of physical pain, as
evidenced by her refusal to let anyone pull her loose baby teeth or tear out a
wart on her baby toe with a utility knife.
Abby has just finished the second grade and reads at a
second grade reading level. This is good
because other parents can read this and not feel threatened or inadequate by
any premature literary genius present in my children and absent in theirs. If you ask me, I just think her brainpower is
mainly allocated to her advanced comedic understanding, work ethic, likability
and cleverness. There’s no real
universally recognized scale for those kinds of things, so I can claim them
pretty innocuously. If I had to guess
though, I bet she would be at like a grade 7 or 8 on all of that stuff, so I
guess that’s kind of threatening for other parents to take in.
Mike:
Like with every year, 2014 had its highs and lows. With a pinch of divine intervention, Mike’s
sciatica all but disappeared, allowing him to resume a respectable level of
fitness. By mid year, four of Mike’s
long forgotten six-pack had returned and reliving some facet of the far-gone
glory days seemed more and more realistic with every passing day. The glorious reunion with his physique of old
was nothing that a knee injury and a painfully slow healthcare system couldn’t
solve though. With some concerted effort
this holiday season, Mike is poised to break the record for “heaviest he’s ever
been”. He’s well aware of the argument
that “muscle weighs more than fat so you really shouldn’t worry about what the
scale says”. That doesn’t, however,
accurately describe Mike’s current situation.
Mike is the heaviest he’s ever been because of a different physiological
phenomenon where lots of fat weighs more than a less amount of fat.
On a slightly more positive note, after four long years Mike
finally finished the first draft of his six hundred page novel, “A Place Among
Heroes.” Mike is working hard on his
second draft edits and hopes to create something that will be good enough to
prove that this all hasn’t been one colossal waste of time. Mike reads at twelfth grade reading
level.
Jill:
For Jill, much of 2014 was dedicated to the study and
practice of Sienna wrangling. Typically,
when somebody risks one’s own wellbeing to save someone else from imminent
peril, people would call this deed heroic and deserving of congratulations or
accolade. Jill calls this a typical
weekday. As already described, Sienna
has little situational awareness or trepidation, even for a toddler. Jill, therefore, has to act as an external
embodiment of that little inclination or voice that typically exists in all of
us (save extreme sports enthusiast and Sienna) to steer us clear of things like
oncoming traffic, bodies of water, dangerous animals and the like. On our recent visit to Sydney, the family was
unfortunately caught out at the beach during a rather intense and quickly
moving lightning storm. In the mad dash
back to the rental property, Jill was again tasked with sheltering Sienna from the
threatening elements. Bursting into the
safety of the small cottage, Jill tried desperately to regain her panicked
breath. She looked to her two oldest
children, their hysterical expressions pained with pure terror. She then glanced down to see a drenched
Sienna, who returned Jill’s anxious countenance with giggling laughter. So if you see Jill, just know that she is
back owed quite a few medals for diving fully clothed into pools, rushing out
in front of cars and much much more to protect our dearest Sienna.
Jill did not run any marathons or win any triathlons this
year. She did run a 1/26 marathon the
other day, but just for fun. She ran it
in like 10 mins (10 min mile pace). She
enjoys baking fantastic desserts and sharing them with our Australian friends
and neighbors. Even though some of the
ingredients are hard to find down here, Jill actually finds more enjoyment baking
in Australia than she did in the States.
Mainly due to the fact that Aussie desserts and baked goods, although
pleasant, simply pale in comparison to what we got going on in the States. Not only is she able to take credit for her
delicious creations, but be the vessel through which said creations make first
contact with a culinarily deprived culture.
She is a baked goods Prometheus of sorts.
We hope this letter finds you all well and that you have a
wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year.
1 comment:
This is a terrific letter, Michael, about a terrific family. LOVE
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